I am doing OK.

I am still alive, but doing well? That's the big question. I have no pictures, no exciting adventures and no big news which is why it took me so long to put up a blog post. Now I can hear you go; why complain? You're in a new exciting country that is beautiful, the people a incredibly nice and the city is one of the major ones in Europe - you should be happy! Well... Instead of being happy, I am okay. Everything has been going 'okay' since I moved here. I haven't been insanely enthusiastic about this move since the start and when people ask how I am doing now; everything is still just going 'okay'.

Now, being okay is not the worst state of living. Trust me, I have been through worse and that was in my safe quiet environment at home. So in spite of just being okay, I am actually doing fine. School is interesting, even though I didn't get the courses that I wanted, the city is indeed very lovely (even now with all the christmas things!) and I have met incredibly wonderful people. But in spite of all that, I am still doing just 'okay'. I can't become excited about being here because of the room situation (my other room turned out to be a huge scam and we lost a huge amount on money and now I am living in a flat with no guarantee of having a place next semester). I am not freaking out about it anymore but it is a pressing matter in my everyday life. When you move to another country on your own you expect so much. I expected to find myself and grow so much as a person, find people that would inspire me to write more and even, if I were really lucky, I would find a person to fall in love with. Instead I have lived out of my suitcase for almost two months in total, been scammed and still bombarded with emails from them, I'm cold most of the time and find being on my own not that satisfying as I thought I would. So what do I do? Do I go back home, have a couple of months rest, find a little job and figure out what I want? Or do I suck it up and stay here next semester as well, in spite of maybe not even having a room? (next semester is only 12 weeks)

Being in such a life dilemma is not fun let me tell you. Finally I have figured out what I want and the career direction that I want to go in, but at this moment in life I am not heading that way. That doesn't mean that things won't change here because next semester does have courses that are of my interests but only if I get in. It MIGHT change. And this bit 'if' situation is scaring the crap out of me.

I am doing fine. I can honestly say that I am kind of happy with myself. I like that way that I dress, always try to be nice to people, be open and sometimes I am even quite hilarious (if I say so myself). My life if full of questions and if's at the moment and I don't like it. I am still young and have many other chances, but I am just going to put this out here: have I made the right decision?

Chapter 2.0: Honesty Hour

I have emigrated. It feels weird to type it like it has really become true, but the matter of fact is: I am living in another country. These last month and a half have been so hectic and so adventurous that I honestly either forgot to post or would like to keep private. Therefore this post is going to be a short one and without any pictures (sorry).

So where have I been? I have gone on holiday twice (Portugal first and then London) and they were both so great and lovely and relaxing and really needed. The first holiday was just soaking up the sun and chilling out, finally being able to have a think about the past four years of college and also finally being able to be happy about everything that had happened to me. I mean, I managed to get two university diploma's in four years and that's pretty impressive. I didn't really took if for granted but then again I may have taken it for granted sometimes and that week of a holiday just really made me feel incredibly blessed and happy I am about all the experiences that I got. It made me realize how much I like England and the English language and also being, for the very first time in my life, proud of myself for taking that adventure and completing it. It may sound stupid and we all had our unhappy moments in life, but I literally had never been proud of myself. I took myself for granted as well and now I've realized that I shouldn't. The second little trip just really made me feel so blessed with my friends. I know we all say this; but I truly have the best friends in the world. They mean everything to me and for some reason they like me as I am. I always thought that people just felt sorry for me and out of pity they would talk to me, but I realize now that they might actually like me - which is a scary thought I might add. If the people I hang out with like me for me than maybe I should start liking me because they make me a better person and I honestly love every single one of my friends. Needless to say my little break was full of epiphanies. 

So now I'm in a foreign country, a city that I do not know and a language that I do not speak and I feel incredibly vulnerable. I cried non stop yesterday just because I was so out of my comfort zone and luckily I had a friend beside me (via Skype) to calm me down. I am alone. Truly and utterly alone in a city that I have been once before. So what do I do? I am living out of my suitcase unable to start this new adventure. Tomorrow school starts and I am terrified. I know these are all normal feelings but I really need to remind myself not to call my parents and ask to come home. Because deep down, I really don't want to (unless the course sucks then I probably will). I literally need to start over here and I decided to take you guys with you and by the end of this two year (!) experience I will have developed and grown as a person and I will also be proud for taking this next step. So hi old friends (and new ones if you're reading my blog) and let's  embark on this new journey together. 

A Day at the Amsterdam Summer Festival (DWDB)

Yesterday Louise, my parents and I went to a summer festival. I am a big big fan of festivals but for some reason (mostly school related) I wasn't able to go to any of the Dutch summer festivals as I used to. So luckily this little festival came around and I was able to go! Yay! My brother was supposed to come with us but he had to work so I called up Louise and told her to get her ass to Amsterdam and she did (yay for my friend). The festival was called 'de wereld draait buiten' which is from a Dutch TV-show and discusses a lot of music and news and such. But we got to see three (more but those are the only ones I took pictures of) amazing artists namely: Lianne La Havas, Vampire Weekend (!!!!!) and Ben Howard. Let's just say that Louise and I were way too excited for Vampire Weekend, haha. They were truly amazing, if you haven't listened to them yet - go check them out pronto!!

Look at how amazing this day was?! I had such a lovely time. On to some artists!

Lianne La Havas


ieee!!! Look at Ezra! (fangirling over here) They were truly amazing.

And last but not least: Ben Howard. We were a little late for him so we had to stand all the way in the back but it was okay because we heard all his hits loud and clear anyways.

Before we ended this day Louise and I made a shameless selfie. Finally we have a nice picture of us two together (seriously, we known each other for 4 years now and this is the 1st ever picture!)


Summer is finally happening, yay! I am going to spend this week meeting up with friends, working at my dad's and trying to relax before going on holiday next week! Me so excited!
Have a lovely day! xo

Up Close: My Walls

I decided to blog more this month. I am going on holiday in two weeks (eek excitement!) and since the weather has turned down again, I decided to do an 'up close' fragment of my room. I have some other bits and pieces planned out as well so we'll see how far we go with this shall we?

This is one of my walls in my room. Here I have all kinds of bits and bobs collected over the pasts view years, these are basically all kinds of experiences I've had. You can see (moving from the window on the left) three postcards which have quotes from Jane Austen on it. Since I am a huge Austen fan AND saw them when I visited Bath, I couldn't help myself and bought them. The third one down is the same postcard only then with Alice In Wonderland quotes, which is my favourite book of all time. Then we have three posters bought in the country of origin: The Beatles card from Liverpool, Le Chat Noir from Paris and the Hundertwasserhaus in Vienna. Below that are some pieces that I either got (Rowena Ravenclaw from my chocolate frog when we visited the HP Studios), Sherlock Baker Street Sign from the Sherlock Museum and a gift from a friend - a drawing for my birthday. I love it so much. On the right you can see another birthday gift - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. Below that is the Lucy Rose poster that Louise and I got when we went to her concert (she is lovely!). Below that are all my necklaces, I might have a little obsession...


Then in the middle we have all kinds of things I've gathered through my years of travelling (see the American dollar on the board), when we visited museums, special cards I received when I was living in England, some pictures, my 18th birthday sticker and my two gold medals from when I still did synchronized swimming. I am very proud of those actually! Above the board are just all the things I did when I lived in England. We have a large picture of my and my friends when we visited Warwick Castle and around that all kinds of train tickets and things I've visited during my stay in England. I love looking at them and think of all the beautiful things I've done and seen while studying abroad.


This is the wall opposite my bed. Now, I'm not going to get into detail because I have a story about almost all cards on this wall, but I just love love love this wall in my room. Since each card has a story I just love looking at them and be reminded of all the things I've experiences. The dream catchers on my mirror are all from Native American Reservations while traveling in the USA. They were all made by Native Americans and since I believe in dreaming they keep me sane sometimes (sounds weird but they work for me). The two posters on the right are traditional French Parisian posters which I bought almost 10 years ago at a flea market while visiting Paris.

This is my closet wall. I call it a wall because my room has a really high ceiling so it's pretty big. On my closet wall are posters that keep me inspired. On the high left is a black cat poster. Next to that is a pretty large Escher poster, one of my absolute favourite artists. Beneath the cat poster is the piece that I bought on the book market, it's a piece from a children's book, one I read when I was younger. It's in the same style as many Annie M.G. Schmidt books, the drawing is a typically Fiep Westendorp drawing. It just reminds me so much of my childhood, I just love it. Under the drawing is a Clash poster (one of the teenager obsessions I had) but I just can't throw it away. Next to that are two mini postcards I bought whilst in New York, one is from the New Yorker and the other is a old Vogue cover. They are both vintage postcards. Beneath that is a 'keep calm and drink tea' poster that a friend of mine bought for me one day. I love this variation because I like tea. All the way on the bottom is a picture of Audrey Hepburn - one of my favourite movie stars.
So those are some of my walls! I hope you enjoyed seeing a bit of my room and some of my stories and I'll see y'all soon :). xo

Over the weekend

This weekend my friend invited me over for her birthday party. I was so excited to get out of the house and see some of my friends. They are the people who I met while studying in Wolverhampton and luckily they are Dutch as well so we can keep in touch like this! She made beautiful food and we had a slumber party and watched Geordie Shore and movies all night. I love doing things like this <3. It was also nice to get out of the house for a while, even though I am SO TIRED now! But it was all worth it.

Ugh, I'm getting hungry again. The night was a tapas evening and she made the most delicious food. Luckily my friend is an amazing cook as well because if I was the one making the food it would not have ended so well. Consequence: we ate until we couldn't walk anymore.


At the end of the evening we all had gave us her presents and then me and some friends stayed over and some friends left. I had an amazing time and I also had time to make a shameless selfie:
Hello!

Being a Big Woman

Picture from here

Today I want to talk about body image. I know that I'm not an expert or a professional but I do think it is an important thing to discuss. Lately I have been hearing to much about body images and it makes me so angry sometimes. I truly believe that our world these days (even over the last decade) is obsessed with skinny women. But like, really skinny women. And I don't understand why. First of all, being skinny does not mean that you're healthy, it doesn't mean that you're better than others and it definitely doesn't mean that you're more beautiful than bigger women. Although these are just plain simple truths, the media keep pushing people to go on a diet and especially celebrities are being pushed "to set an example". And what example is that? That's right, being skinny.

I decided to do some research. I read an article in Psychology magazine called 'Why too big? Why we should stop being obsessed about weight'. The article explains that women who are a little bigger are being bullied by other, intentionally or unintentionally. Because the media sets us with an example, women who don't look like that are not accepted according to the magazine. And I agree. The other day I was in a shop to look for summer stuff for my holiday and they didn't have my size on the rack and the lady who was helping me carefully asked me that maybe I should look at the 'plus size' section. This is so insulting! First of all, I am 1.80 m (5.9") and I weigh 80 kilo (176 pounds). According to the BMI index, I am still perfectly fine on the scale. Maybe a little to the right side (the bigger side shall we say) but perfectly fine. And then some little skinny brat has the nerve to say that to me. I am a size 12/14 people! Anyway, what I am trying to say is that people should stop being so obsessed with being skinny. They seem to forget something that's called a body type. A body type is the types, pear shaped, apple shaped etc. Women have different shapes and they will always have different shapes and sizes. If you a really skinny and small you're okay but if you are a little bigger you are supposed to fit a box that clearly doesn't fit you. And why should we?

Another thing said about bigger women is that they are less happy. I always want to punch people in the face whenever I hear that. I have met bigger women (I am a big woman) and I am perfectly happy. Maybe I am stressed or tired, but that has to do with factors of life (in my case, trying to graduate) and has NOTHING to do with my body weight. I don't even weigh myself that often! I literally haven't met any women that said they're unhappy because they are a little bigger. Most are even proud of it. Stop fitting people in boxes that they (literally) can't fit in and look at their personality. Let's all be kinder to one another shall we? And accept us for who we are. There are of course issues with being a little bigger. According to the Psychology article there are a few factors that indicate that you are too overweight:

1. When people with obesity have an illness related to/because of their weight, like diabetes/sleeping diseases,
2. When they get psychological problems related to their weight, like becoming depressed,
3. They they are unable to perform daily tasks and,
4. When they get high blood pressure, high cholesterol, devious blood sugar or too much belly fat (although all these problems are able to happen to skinny people as well)

All these issues have to do with whether you are eating heathy and taking exercises. With eating healthily, I mean don't only eat McDonalds or too much products with high fats. This doesn't mean you can't eat chocolate or anything you don't want to, just play it safe. Also with exercise, it doesn't mean going to the gym 5 times a week, or doing exercises every day; just try to walk as much as you can, bicycle somewhere if it's not too far and take the stairs. If you can go to the gym that is good but only because of eliminating changed you might get sick (think of heart diseases or high blood pressure). 

Basically what I'm trying to say: be happy with who you are and what you look like. If you have issues with yourself, always check you insides first (emotions, character trades) and then the way you look. You don't have to be skinny to be happy and you definitely don't have to lose weight then others tell you to. It is your life and if you are happy with the way you look, then sod them!

(I would also like to apologise for the rant, sorry) Have a great week!

(Finally) Spring

Images belong to @joelpenkman

It's really spring! I will spend my days eating ice cream, frozen yoghurt and relaxing. My placement has a two week break which feels so damn good. This weekend 0023am and I are going to an opening of the Japanese Gardens in The Hague and I'm excited. Happy weather y'all!

Life's Update: Keep Going

This picture came from here.

I am not feeling well. Not that I'm sick or anything, I am just so stressed out and nervous that I just can't do anything anymore. Over the past week I've just been in denial of all the work that I need to be doing and this Tuesday I will have a big assessment. And I'm freaking out. So to keep me a little sane, here is a list of things to do to keep your head up and your heart strong (yes, I've just quoted Ben Howard).

• Watch movies, especially ones where there's lots of love and endearment. In these stressful weeks, I like to watch: 50/50, Pitch Perfect, The Help, The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Easy A.
• Listen to the radio! I just found this online and I just love it. It's the reading of the book Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman and if you're into fantasy, this story is absolutely amazing. And it has the voices of James McAvoy and Benedict Cumberbatch. Do you need anything else?
• One of life's great questions has ben answered! WHERE IS GLEN COCO?!
• If you want to have a good laugh: read this. It's a man who has never seen Twilight and sums up the films by only looking at the trailers. It's hilarious.
• If you're not really a film person, you can also watch The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube. If you've never heard of it and you like Pride & Prejudice, I would definitely recommend it. It's very witty, it stays true to the book and most of all it's just hilarious and freaking awesome! It's also something that you can watch whenever you want, but be warned: you can get a little obsessed. Watch the first episode here.

I hope these little 'cheer you ups' helped! Happy easter everyone!

Life's Update

This month is going to be a quiet one. Why? Because I don't have to go to school until the 28th of January. Which leaves me a whole month of doing almost nothing. And that's why I have decided to read a lot of books, see of lot of films and go on a few day trips. I have created a Good Reads account to manage all my reading, I'll link you to it when I know how it works. The books that I want to read this month are: Son of Dust by Arnaldur Indriðason, Amsterdam by Ian McEwan, Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, The Gaudi Key by Esteban Martin & Andreu Carranza, The Absolutist by John Boyne and The Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafron. Most of these books are quite thick but luckily I am a fast reader so this will be my month's goal! I hope I'll get there. I've already started on the Gaudi Key and it pretty damn good so I'm excited! These are all books recommended by my father since I do not have any money to buy new books. He likes thrillers and drama's (which is usually not my forte) but these books look interesting enough so we'll see.

This months trips to the cinema will be for Pitch Perfect and Les Miserable. I am very excited to see both films since I've already heard so much about them. Luckily my grand parents gave me lots of cinema coupons so I don't have to spend a lot of money.

Other things I'm excited about:

• The Amsterdam Lights Festival. I am going there tomorrow and I very excited to see my beloved Amsterdam again.
• Making Sunday Roast. I am going to make Yorkshire Puddings from scratch this Sunday and I hope it'll work!
• This beautiful website. The pictures in this website are so peaceful and I just stare at them all day long.
• This necklace. I want it!
• This would make a beautiful birthday dress. I also love the length!