I am doing OK.

I am still alive, but doing well? That's the big question. I have no pictures, no exciting adventures and no big news which is why it took me so long to put up a blog post. Now I can hear you go; why complain? You're in a new exciting country that is beautiful, the people a incredibly nice and the city is one of the major ones in Europe - you should be happy! Well... Instead of being happy, I am okay. Everything has been going 'okay' since I moved here. I haven't been insanely enthusiastic about this move since the start and when people ask how I am doing now; everything is still just going 'okay'.

Now, being okay is not the worst state of living. Trust me, I have been through worse and that was in my safe quiet environment at home. So in spite of just being okay, I am actually doing fine. School is interesting, even though I didn't get the courses that I wanted, the city is indeed very lovely (even now with all the christmas things!) and I have met incredibly wonderful people. But in spite of all that, I am still doing just 'okay'. I can't become excited about being here because of the room situation (my other room turned out to be a huge scam and we lost a huge amount on money and now I am living in a flat with no guarantee of having a place next semester). I am not freaking out about it anymore but it is a pressing matter in my everyday life. When you move to another country on your own you expect so much. I expected to find myself and grow so much as a person, find people that would inspire me to write more and even, if I were really lucky, I would find a person to fall in love with. Instead I have lived out of my suitcase for almost two months in total, been scammed and still bombarded with emails from them, I'm cold most of the time and find being on my own not that satisfying as I thought I would. So what do I do? Do I go back home, have a couple of months rest, find a little job and figure out what I want? Or do I suck it up and stay here next semester as well, in spite of maybe not even having a room? (next semester is only 12 weeks)

Being in such a life dilemma is not fun let me tell you. Finally I have figured out what I want and the career direction that I want to go in, but at this moment in life I am not heading that way. That doesn't mean that things won't change here because next semester does have courses that are of my interests but only if I get in. It MIGHT change. And this bit 'if' situation is scaring the crap out of me.

I am doing fine. I can honestly say that I am kind of happy with myself. I like that way that I dress, always try to be nice to people, be open and sometimes I am even quite hilarious (if I say so myself). My life if full of questions and if's at the moment and I don't like it. I am still young and have many other chances, but I am just going to put this out here: have I made the right decision?

Christianshavn

I am still here. I don't know what I expected, but things haven't been going great lately. Why is there no rulebook for moving to another country and dealing with a totally different society and school and people and stuff? Seriously, because I need one. Things have not been going well for me, everything piling up like snow and I am unable to see through. But then again, sometimes, you see this.


Look at the beauty, the silentness and stillness. I hate when people have a #nofilter tag underneath something, but honestly, this is how the picture came out. Isn't it stunning?

I promise I will write more, tell exciting things and be awesome but for now I need to figure this sh*t out and deal with it. I feel like I am growing but I don't know into what and I am just asdfjkl, if you catch my drift.

xo

Chapter 2.0: Honesty Hour

I have emigrated. It feels weird to type it like it has really become true, but the matter of fact is: I am living in another country. These last month and a half have been so hectic and so adventurous that I honestly either forgot to post or would like to keep private. Therefore this post is going to be a short one and without any pictures (sorry).

So where have I been? I have gone on holiday twice (Portugal first and then London) and they were both so great and lovely and relaxing and really needed. The first holiday was just soaking up the sun and chilling out, finally being able to have a think about the past four years of college and also finally being able to be happy about everything that had happened to me. I mean, I managed to get two university diploma's in four years and that's pretty impressive. I didn't really took if for granted but then again I may have taken it for granted sometimes and that week of a holiday just really made me feel incredibly blessed and happy I am about all the experiences that I got. It made me realize how much I like England and the English language and also being, for the very first time in my life, proud of myself for taking that adventure and completing it. It may sound stupid and we all had our unhappy moments in life, but I literally had never been proud of myself. I took myself for granted as well and now I've realized that I shouldn't. The second little trip just really made me feel so blessed with my friends. I know we all say this; but I truly have the best friends in the world. They mean everything to me and for some reason they like me as I am. I always thought that people just felt sorry for me and out of pity they would talk to me, but I realize now that they might actually like me - which is a scary thought I might add. If the people I hang out with like me for me than maybe I should start liking me because they make me a better person and I honestly love every single one of my friends. Needless to say my little break was full of epiphanies. 

So now I'm in a foreign country, a city that I do not know and a language that I do not speak and I feel incredibly vulnerable. I cried non stop yesterday just because I was so out of my comfort zone and luckily I had a friend beside me (via Skype) to calm me down. I am alone. Truly and utterly alone in a city that I have been once before. So what do I do? I am living out of my suitcase unable to start this new adventure. Tomorrow school starts and I am terrified. I know these are all normal feelings but I really need to remind myself not to call my parents and ask to come home. Because deep down, I really don't want to (unless the course sucks then I probably will). I literally need to start over here and I decided to take you guys with you and by the end of this two year (!) experience I will have developed and grown as a person and I will also be proud for taking this next step. So hi old friends (and new ones if you're reading my blog) and let's  embark on this new journey together.