I am still alive, but doing well? That's the big question. I have no pictures, no exciting adventures and no big news which is why it took me so long to put up a blog post. Now I can hear you go; why complain? You're in a new exciting country that is beautiful, the people a incredibly nice and the city is one of the major ones in Europe - you should be happy! Well... Instead of being happy, I am okay. Everything has been going 'okay' since I moved here. I haven't been insanely enthusiastic about this move since the start and when people ask how I am doing now; everything is still just going 'okay'.
Now, being okay is not the worst state of living. Trust me, I have been through worse and that was in my safe quiet environment at home. So in spite of just being okay, I am actually doing fine. School is interesting, even though I didn't get the courses that I wanted, the city is indeed very lovely (even now with all the christmas things!) and I have met incredibly wonderful people. But in spite of all that, I am still doing just 'okay'. I can't become excited about being here because of the room situation (my other room turned out to be a huge scam and we lost a huge amount on money and now I am living in a flat with no guarantee of having a place next semester). I am not freaking out about it anymore but it is a pressing matter in my everyday life. When you move to another country on your own you expect so much. I expected to find myself and grow so much as a person, find people that would inspire me to write more and even, if I were really lucky, I would find a person to fall in love with. Instead I have lived out of my suitcase for almost two months in total, been scammed and still bombarded with emails from them, I'm cold most of the time and find being on my own not that satisfying as I thought I would. So what do I do? Do I go back home, have a couple of months rest, find a little job and figure out what I want? Or do I suck it up and stay here next semester as well, in spite of maybe not even having a room? (next semester is only 12 weeks)
Being in such a life dilemma is not fun let me tell you. Finally I have figured out what I want and the career direction that I want to go in, but at this moment in life I am not heading that way. That doesn't mean that things won't change here because next semester does have courses that are of my interests but only if I get in. It MIGHT change. And this bit 'if' situation is scaring the crap out of me.
I am doing fine. I can honestly say that I am kind of happy with myself. I like that way that I dress, always try to be nice to people, be open and sometimes I am even quite hilarious (if I say so myself). My life if full of questions and if's at the moment and I don't like it. I am still young and have many other chances, but I am just going to put this out here: have I made the right decision?